2004-03-11 - 6:37 p.m.

I'm a sleeve

Okay..... so the super-department I'm sort of in had a lunch meeting today. I say I'm sort of in it because need I remind you as I'm reminded constantly - I'm a temp. Temp temp temp, my tenure is limited, I'm on borrowed time, they're not sure I'll be allowed to come back next month, etc etc. That's certainly been pounded into me enough.

So yesterday my boss's boss says to me - do you know about our lunch tomorrow? Well no of course not. So I'm told there's a lunch meeting, and I'm welcome to come, don't have to come to the meeting if I don't want to, but hey, free lunch. Okay, so the offer is, have lunch with: three people who work with you but ignore you as much as possible as far as the social aspect of an office is concerned; ten other people who were introduced to you once but have had no interaction with you since and therefore might know you from a hole in the wall, but just barely; and approximately fifty other people, none of whom know your name, your face or in fact who the hell you are, but they know you have an ID badge, so you must belong here, so they won't call security.

Is it just me, or does this not sound like most excellent fun to everyone else?

See why I call it a super-department, by the way? There are about eight sub-departments in the department that met today. This is a huge ass company.

Before the meeting today, I asked my boss (we'll call her Betty) if I should stay for the meeting too. I asked because quite frankly, I was concerned there might be confidential information that I, transitional creature that I am, possibly should not be allowed to hear. I wouldn't want people to think I was a danger to company confidentiality and therefore should be targeted for assassination. But she said sure if you want to - couldn't hurt.

Promises, promises.

It was actually pretty interesting to learn something about the company. Not that it will do me any good long term seeing as how I am a temp and all - I'm not sure you knew that. Did you know that? I'm a temp.

We got there before the meeting started, but late enough to be near last in the lunch line, and therefore the last ones to take our seats. Well, you know what's left as far as meeting seating when you're the last ones in. So Betty asked me if I was okay on the front row.

She has no idea. Front row is my life. Besides, it's very hard to be self-conscious when you're invisible and anonymous. So no problem.

All the sub-department managers got up and spoke for a few minutes on their 2003 accomplishments and their 2004 goals. Some of them were very dull and dry, others were very animated and engaging, and some were nervous speaking in front of the group. Betty's boss is a manager on that level. When she had her turn, I thought she was great. She glanced at the PowerPoint slide behind her and elaborated on the bullet points without reading from notes. She explained clearly what her department (I'd say "our" department but in case you didn't know - I'm a temp) had done during 2003, and one thing that really impressed me was how you could tell that these achievements were important to her, and that she had been part of them. They weren't just items that she scraped together at the last minute because oh shit, there's a meeting and I have to say something.

No, she spoke clearly and intelligently, and what impressed me even more was how she went out of her way to recognize Betty and the one other person in her small department. There are only the four of us (if you count me, which you probably shouldn�t, because I'm a temp), so it was easier for her to recognize individuals than some of the other managers, but still, I thought it was very cool of her to mention Betty and my other co-worker (Veronica - why not) by name when they were primarily responsible for one of the achievements she was explaining.

Before you think I'm upset she didn't mention me, I'm honestly not. 100% completely honestly not. First of all, I didn't start working (temping) here until August, and second, I just plain wasn't involved in any of the achievements she was discussing.

Then she moved on to the 2004 goals. She mentioned Betty as the person who would be doing this, and this... and then she got to the one goal that pretty much encompasses the reason I was brought on board in the first place. And I heard her say, "Betty and a temp will be working on this project..."

And I froze. Luckily, with a smile in place.

I was six feet away from her. She was looking in my general direction. She KNOWS my name.

But she didn't use it. She didn't even say "our temp." Didn't say "the temp who has been working with us." No.

A temp.

I'm officially interchangeable, disposable and indistinguishable as an individual person. Good God, even machines get serial numbers.

And yet I go to a concert with a couple thousand other people and RSP comes out and smiles at me and says - to ME - "There you are."

I'd say he just doesn't know any better, but as my husband says about RSP, "He can't help it if he has good taste."

You know what, the important people know who I am.

Damn these other people for paying me to keep coming back.

Remember the guy from Saturday Night Live looooong ago, A. Whitney Brown? He used to do supplemental reports on their news segment. I always remember the time he started his report, "This is A. Whitney Brown. One day I hope to be THE Whitney Brown." My brother.

Oh, punchline from today's meeting? Veronica was kind of upset she didn't get mentioned in the goals section - only the achievements. No trace of irony in saying that to me.

Capital O, capital Blivious.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -