2004-03-31 - 12:12 a.m.

Cheap Hotels of the World - a comparison

Shouldn't someone be paying me for this? People get paid for this.

Next time I try to book myself into a Howard Johnson's, someone please say two words to me: "flea" and "trap." I had an uneasy feeling about it this time, but went against my better judgement because I couldn't find another hotel the exact distance away that I wanted. After the smelly hallway, the scary exterior and the chairs with burn marks in the upholstery, well... I know I've been to other HoJo hotels and they've been nice, but too many bads outweigh the goods. I won't even tell you about the time I stayed at a HoJo's and overheard an early morning pricing re-negotiation between the two occupants of the room next to mine. Some guy said he wanted his money back. Perhaps he was Jo. (get it?) Oh well, it was safe and cheap. But next time I'd also like clean and with working lamps.

Next on the list - Clarion. They made it way too hard to get online, and sorry, that's something I look for. And no continental breakfast, which I only care about because they said they had it, then didn't. Usually I'm either out of the hotel too early or sleeping in too late for the continental breakfast to be of any interest, but the one time it would have been useful... oh, we don't have that. Fine. You just slipped off my list of "favorite places to which to return."

I started writing this entry back in February on my mini-tour, then never got back to it. Funny, I forgot I was having light bulb issues even back then! And since then my friend wtf wrote quite eloquently on how some hotels just SMELL. Boy, don't they.

Since then, let's see - Motel 6. Yes, apparently I'm touring America on the "I have no money and stay in the no-frilliest of the no-frill hotel chains" plan. Anyway, Motel 6 - big time issues. First of all, I got into town several hours before check-in time, but went by the hotel anyway - sometimes places can check you in early. This time, nope. No big deal. This was my day in Florida two weeks ago, and I just drove down to the beach and sat in the sun. More about that later - right now I'm on a roll griping about hotels.

So I get back to the lovely Motel 6 after check in time and get my room. No elevator so I have to lug my crap up stairs - which I shouldn't complain about since I could have requested a first floor room. But I choose to complain anyway. Not their fault though, I will give them that. I get to my room, shove my junk in the door, close it, and turn on the light over the desk. BAM. The light bulb dies one of those flashy deaths, which I seem to inspire in light bulbs, which involves bright light and blue sparks. Why can a light bulb never just simply not go on when its time comes? Desperate need for attention, I guess. But again, also not their fault, since they certainly couldn't predict a light bulb was going to die the very next time it was used.

Thus ends the list of things that were NOT their fault.

Okay, so I go over to the dual lamp between the two double beds. Turn one on - nothing. Turn the other on - nothing. One of the bulbs is definitely long dead, and the other one I can't tell. But the only light I have in the room is now the one over the sink.

So I call the front desk and tell them - all three light bulbs, gone. Okay, we'll send someone "right up." After 20 minutes, I decide I'm going to go ahead and take my shower. Out of the shower, and there are no notes (or light bulbs) shoved under the door, and no messages on the phone, so I know the maintenance person wasn't desperately eager to change the light bulbs and put off by my insistence on locking my door while I'm in the shower.

So then I try to go online. I follow the directions on the phone about how to dial out to a local number. BEEP BEEP BEEP. Sigh. So I call the front desk, since some hotels have to flip some switch somewhere to make your phone work, even for local calls, and don't do it unless you ask. This is a pet peeve of mine. When I check into a hotel room, and there is a phone, I expect to be able to use it to make outgoing calls. Needy and demanding of me, I know. If I have to authorize it, then ASK ME when I check in if I would like my phone turned on. Why is the default ever that the phone does NOT work?? Okay, back to my specific Motel 6 rant. I called the front desk to ask about the phone - turns out the directions are wrong. It said to dial the area code, but I should just dial 1 and the number. Okay. Oh, and by the way, I called 45 minutes ago about the light bulbs, is anyone coming? Oh - yes - be right up.

I hung up and tried the call again, 1 and the number. BEEP BEEP BEEP. Sigh. So I call the front desk again. The woman answers the phone, not with "hello," but with "HE'S ON HIS WAY." I said, that's very nice, but it isn't why I'm calling. Turns out the instructions she gave me were also wrong, and I finally get what turns out to be the correct answer. Maintenance guy shows up ten minutes later, and replaces the desk lamp bulb. Turns out something is wrong enough with the other lamp that he'd have to take it off the wall and find out why it isn't working. I said you know what - I'll be gone tomorrow. This one light will do until then. What I didn't say out loud is, fix it on your own time like you should have before I got here.

All I have to say is this... how hard would it be to have part of the daily cleaning routine be to turn on each lamp and make sure it works? It would take a few seconds to replace a burnt out bulb, and you wouldn't annoy a guest over something trivial, so they have to spend all this time writing diary entries about dead light bulbs. I'm going to have to start a nationwide "let there be light in our hotel rooms" campaign.

There were lovely burn holes in the furnishings in this hotel room too. I don't smoke. Why do I keep requesting smoking rooms? My husband smokes, and I just haven't gotten over the habit of requesting smoking rooms. Plus sometimes I share rooms with friends who smoke, so I generally request smoking just in case. I wonder if non-smoking rooms equal no-burn-hole rooms? I should give it a try.

Speaking of burn marks. All along the edge of the tub. And I'm talking ALL along the edge of the tub. And quite a few on the bathroom floor as well. Just charming ambiance here.

Oh, and when I went into the bathroom and closed the door? Hanging on the hook on the back of the door - a pair of khaki pants. Not mine. Just wonderful. Inspires great confidence in the thoroughness of the cleaning job, doesn't it?

This was my first experience with Motel 6, and I've heard other people say they were fine, but still... another that just slipped from my list.

Then there's the Red Roof Inn. You know my main complaint with them? They don't give you a pen and a pad of paper by the phone. I really do use those. But, free local calls. I guess I'll take that as a trade-off. Do you know how much some of the "good" hotels charge you for LOCAL calls these days? It's nothing but robbery. Oh, the other weird thing about Red Roof? No "do not disturb" signs. Unless you want to make your own, you're going to get that knock knock knock "housekeeping" at 9:30 am whether you want it or not.

Other than that though - not bad. I just came back from a four-night stay, and I had several maintenance requests (none of them their fault, and yes, one including a light bulb dying a flamboyant and noisy death) and although I did have to call twice for the light bulb (after giving them a whole day), all the call except for the very first one were answered right away, cheerfully, and whatever I needed fixed got fixed. The guy who came to unstop the toilet was even cute. As their reward, I'll be back. Probably not to that exact hotel, but back to see Red. Hopefully they're just pleased as punch about that.

Now - where's my sponsor?

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the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -