2004-07-06 - 9:24 p.m.

plans upon plans, part 2

So what am I going to do while I�m there? The Portage Glacier tour sounds fascinating, as does the tram ride 2300 feet up Mt. Alyeska. There's a tour of the fjords, although if I don't see Slartibartfast there modelling the little fiddly bits, I might be disappointed. One of the fjords the tour visits is Harriman Fjord. Just me, or does anyone else think that must be a really Nordic-looking Han Solo?

Not that that would be a bad thing.

Then there's a tour through 26 glaciers. Which sounded like fun until I got to the part in the description that read, "Get up close and personal with the highest peak in North America on this three hour tour." Okay, who else sang the echo after the end of that one? If I got on the boat and there was a professor, a rich couple, a movie star, a farm girl or a skinny guy with a red shirt and a white hat - ANY of those - I'd be SO out of there. Ditto if someone yelled "Hey Skipper" and the person who turned around was the captain of the ship and not Barbie's little sister. I am way too superstitious in a TV-Land kind of way to get on a boat for a three hour tour. See, you sang again. It's not that I think anything would actually happen because of that, but the puns in my own mind would be enough to kill me. God forbid the weather should start getting rough while we were out there. The tiny ship would be tossed. And we all know how much I like my phones, lights and motor cars. I'm nothing like Robinson Caruso, whoever he is. Did it not ever bother anyone else that they mangled "Crusoe"? Probably just me.

You get the idea. I'd better do something else. Not like there aren't plenty of choices.

Dog sled adventure. Sounds like it would involve snow and dogs. Pass.

Challenger Center Mission to Mars. Wow. The world's most spectacularly wonderful guitar tech did tell me this past weekend that my band will be playing the moon this month - maybe I should look into this for the future. I do think perhaps he was being a bit facetious though.

Another glacier tour. This one involves a train and a helicopter ride. Way too much transportation involved there.

Bear-watching. Ooooookay... already kinda leery just from the title. Description says it's two hours of "flightseeing" and two hours of bear watching. Things you may see include "eagles, Dall sheep, moose and perhaps some Beluga Whales feeding on Hooligan." Hooligan are fish. Who knew? Gold star if you now have Peter Criss singing in your head. And about those Dall sheep. Will they really look like Bobby Dall, and if so, with or without the big hair? And if they're going to have back surgery, can they please not put pictures of it on the internet? Thank you.

Another part of the bear-watching tour is this: "After lunch you will take a relaxing 50-minute flightseeing tour (in 6 passenger Cessna 207's). This tour passes active volcanoes, huge glaciers, alluvial floodplains and rugged mountains before landing on the shoreline near the bear viewing camp." Riiiiiiiiight. Flying in a 6-passenger Cessna past active volcanoes. I believe I need to contact the person who wrote this description and explain to him the actual definition of the word "relaxing" as it is used by the majority of English-speaking persons. Because I do not think it means what he thinks it means.

To continue: "Here, you are the visitor and the bears are the inhabitants. Out of all Alaska's wonders, perhaps none will stamp your memory more deeply than photographing or fishing with these magnificent animals." Excuse me. FISHING WITH? If I am the visitor, why does it seem slightly possible to me that the bear, who I'm just guessing wasn't asked if he'd like company at his home today, would not be exceedingly thrilled to find me standing in his stream, stealing his dinner? He might not even want me to take his picture for all I know. I believe I'll stay way the heck out of his fish market lest he feel moved to stamp more than my memory.

Okay, so the more common choices at the top of the page are more appealing to me - that's not surprising. I don't mind not being a rugged adventurer - there will still be much too much more to do than I'll have time for. I still have to do more research because now I realize that I may not even want to stay in the places where I've been looking for hotels. And oh yes, by the way, like the hotels, all the activities also cost anywhere between a lot and a fortune. I so can't afford this trip. One day I'll learn that that's supposed to stop me.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -