2005-11-29 - 10:57 p.m.

return of the dental demons

So here I sit trying to ignore my tooth that obviously has problems... and I go to read diaries and Clarity has a cavity. Dental synchronicity? Well if she can go to a German dentist, I should be able to manage to go one here, right? Well we'll see. Clarity, I don't know if you read my diary, but if you do, stop now and come back next entry. Or at least after you've been to the dentist. Anyone else who has dental squeamishness - bye! See ya next time!

I know I really have to go to the dentist this time. A week or so ago I felt a rough place on the bottom of one of my teeth that wasn't there before. Either I've developed a sudden huge cavity, or lost part of the tooth, or lost part of a filling. I don't know exactly what it is but there's a hole that wasn't there a few weeks ago.

Now, this is not automatically a reason for me to feel I must go to the dentist. I have a tooth in back of my mouth that broke in the summer of 2004. Oh no wait... damn... it was 2003. It's one of the very back teeth, and it has a filling, and basically part of the tooth broke away from the filling. But you know what? It's not sharp, it doesn't hurt, it isn't sensitive, it's sitting back there minding its own business and not bothering anybody, so I don't feel any need to go inflict dental procedures on it.

But the one that has the hole in it now is hurting a little... and over this past weekend, the gum near that tooth was swollen. And the tooth was sensitive. I'm not going back to my last dentist. Or the one before that. Or... sigh... the one before that, although at this point he's looking pretty good because the only thing wrong with him was he and his staff were insufferably rude and condescending. I could kinda go for that right now.

The last one was supremely unprofessional in that he called one of his assistants over and pointed into my mouth, while going point by point over everything she'd done WRONG when she worked on me. Not to mention he was also pretty condescending, and his staff was also unprofessional (laughing about previous screwups while getting ready to work on me) and extremely unhelpful when I needed some information on which to base a decision.

The one before that apparently was developing the art form of selling cosmetic dentistry while lying and claiming it was medically necessary. Not only telling the insurance company it was necessary so they'd pay for part of it (emphasis - PART of it) but also telling ME it was necessary to get me to agree to it. That led to me having to get a root canal ($$$$$$$) and a crown ($$$$$$$) because he lit into a tooth that didn't actually have anything WRONG with it, to replace a filling that didn't actually need replacing.

Over the weekend I couldn't make an appointment. Holiday - dentists closed! Yesterday I was going to - but oops! My cell phone was dead! Must be a sign! Then today - hey, the swelling is gone! Maybe I don't need to go after all!

Yeah right.

Tomorrow I will attempt to make an appointment without having a nervous breakdown.

If I'm successful at that, I'll then attempt to actually go to the appointment and get through it without crying. Seriously. And it's not about pain. I'm actually pretty good with pain. If you could promise me that I'd go, get this tooth taken care of and that would be it, I'd be okay. I'm just so afraid that I'll go to get this one tooth fixed and they'll fuck up five others while they're in there. And then that's more time, and more money, and more opportunities for them to fuck up more.

If I didn't have to drive myself there and back, I'd have a couple or six drinks before I went. That might help. But it would probably mess with any anaesthetic they'd have to give me. Maybe I should just walk in and immediately ask for a sedative?

What really may happen is that I get there and cry in the parking lot before I go in to get it out of my system. Because if they say "how are you today" and I burst into tears... that might be a bad first impression.

It pisses me off, because for so many years I was NEVER afraid of the dentist. And now I am. And I don't like being scared of anything.

None of you wants to come with me, do you?

I need dental therapy. No, what I actually need is to find a competent dentist. There must be ONE around here.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -