2006-03-06 - 11:02 p.m.

wandering in the pointless forest

Not sure what my point is going to be here, so let's just start the story, shall we?

One of the products we sell at my company is a publication with a lot of industry-specific information. One chapter of that publication is contact information, including names, addresses, phone numbers and email addresses, for pretty much 100% of all companies in this specific business. We sell this as a hard copy publication only, as a reference tool.

Occasionally someone calls who has bought the publication from us and who wants to get it electronically. I know my boss's answer on this. No. Hard copy only. I've heard him say it internally as, "We spent a lot of time and money putting that database together and keeping it updated. If someone else wants a database just like ours, let them build it themselves." It's not information that we own, so there would be nothing stopping someone from slightly rearranging the information and re-selling it themselves. And I have to agree, if they want to do that, let them build their own damn database.

Another reason we don't do that is that the companies that give us their information (other than just contact info - and that other information makes up a large portion of the rest of the book) wouldn't be so cooperative if we started using their contact info as a marketing list - either to mass market our own stuff to them, or to sell it so that other people can basically use it as a mailing list. If we decide to make a quick buck by becoming a mailing list provider, suddenly we have no info for next year's book.

So someone called today, wanting to buy the information electronically. The first person who called was from someone who I know is a big customer of ours, so I just put her on hold quickly and double-checked with the boss before telling her no, I'm sorry, we don't have an electronic version for sale. She was very nice about it.

Coincidentally, someone else called, completely different customer, later in the day. It's not like I get this request all the time - maybe three or four times a year. But twice today. When I told the second lady that the information was only available in hard copy, she said, "But that's crazy. You must HAVE it electronically." No ma'am, it's all on sticky notes and cocktail napkins, and we typeset it with little metal blocks right from that. "Well, yes, we do have it, but we don't sell an electronic version of it." "That's just insane, you expect me to type it all in again myself?" Well... if what you want is exactly the information we have in our database that we made... yeah. Just like if I want the formula for Coke Classic, I'm pretty sure if I call them they'll tell me to look at the list of ingredients on the label and figure out for myself how to mix the stuff up. I guess I could have put her on hold and pretended to do the used-car salesman thing of "let me ask my manager," but not only did I know the answer already, I had just refreshed the answer earlier today. So I didn't feel like putting on an act to possibly mollify her when she was being all demanding and snippy with me. She had even told me the reason she wanted the information electronically was to use it as a mailing list, which is one of the main purposes we don't want it used for. I thought it would be rude to tell her that the reason we didn't sell what she wanted was that we didn't want to make things easier for junk mailers and spammers like her.

Then she started to do the thing that I really hate, which is talk down to me and explain how even though we DON'T sell it, we HAVE it and we COULD sell it, and she could help us figure out how that process works. The only place for me to go from there is, "I appreciate the suggestion and I'll pass that on, but I'm sorry, at this time we don't sell that." I can't really get into the fact that yes, we KNOW we could sell that. I know you're RILLY SMART, but there are some fairly bright people here at this company too, and they've thought of your bright idea before. And rejected it. For valid reasons. I can't get into all that because explaining my company's business strategies to whoever happens to be on the other end of the phone? None of their business. I'm very sorry, I'd love to help you but I can't. I HAVE IT plus YOU WANT IT does not always equal YOU CAN BUY IT. Sorry.

And I guess that's my point. Sometimes your money and your intimidation and your rudeness DON'T GET TO WIN.

Oh and by the way, we didn't call Pam. I know you're not shocked. Besides all the not wanting to, I was too busy all week and then I went to Vegas for the weekend. That, in fact, would be a great reason to give if she happened to call back (which she won't) and I accidentally answered the phone. Oh, sorry dear, forgot all about calling you back, was in Vegas for the weekend. Now what was it you wanted again, dear?

Rachelle, I did like your idea, but I found it much more fun realizing that I actually DID forget about her. Let her sit and wonder if we really did get the message... or if one of us got it and didn't tell the other... or if we desperately want to call her but are trapped under something heavy (blatant steal from When Harry Met Sally).

By the way Nance... interesting that you wondered if she had gotten divorced. What made you think that? I certainly didn't say anything to give you that impression, did I? (That's my Jeff Probst imitation - no please, hold your applause.) But seriously, one thing she said did make me take a bit of notice... at one point she said, "I know your number is unlisted, mine is too." Not "ours" but "mine." Now, I know I'm perfectly capable of talking about "my" house or "my" phone when it really does belong to me and my husband and the cat. Just a word. But... that did make me wonder. And that's one reason I decided for sure not to call... because the only reason I wanted to call even just a little was to find out if possibly there was some juicy gossip, and not because I actually cared.

If she meant to apologize... that was her chance, on that message. If you think you've wronged someone in your past and you want to apologize, I say do it on initial contact. If it's important to you, what are you waiting for? Maybe that's just me. But I am not afraid of apologizing. If I don't apologize right up front, I'm either totally oblivious to what I've done... or I know exactly what I've done, and I'm not sorry.

But then we all know I'm a cranky old bitch. Perhaps THAT's my point.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -