2006-03-08 - 6:43 p.m.

more bitching about the same stuff

...or, Boggling At The Lack Of Self-Awareness

First verse:

There are a bunch of people at my company who work from home. You might imagine that causes some coordination headaches (and you'd be right). So, part of my job is to oversee the coordination. Oversee, mind you. Not hold everyone's little hand through every little interaction.

Person A does graphic design. Persons B and C, also remote, often request things from A (as well as other letters of the alphabet who work directly from our office, as I do). Person A is notorious for not getting things in on time, and B and C used to be notorious for not speaking up until the last moment to say that they hadn't gotten what they needed. At which point A would claim never to have gotten the request, or would say gee that's funny I sent it yesterday but I'll send it again now, and me the overseer had no idea anything was ever requested so I couldn't do anything about it.

Fix? B and C were all told to copy me on all requests to A, and A was told to copy me when notifying B and C that the graphics were done. B & C usually do. A? Almost never. So the result is that I nag A a lot about "is this done." I usually get "oh, I never got the request" (which - funny, I did, since I was copied) or "gee that's funny I sent it yesterday" (which - funny, I didn't get it either and I'm supposed to be copied) but - at least I'm getting those excuses, er, answers, a bit earlier in the process. But what's so irritating is that about half the time I get "oh, I sent it yesterday and B said it was okay so it's all set." To which I ALWAYS say, "great, can you send it to me since I need it here too? Next time don't forget to copy me, okay?"

So if you're keeping score... sometimes she finally sends stuff to me and the requester after one or both of us has nagged her. Sometimes she sends stuff to the requester and only to me after I nag her. Total count of times she's sent stuff to me without anyone having to ask (like she's supposed to)? That would be zero.

So today... B asks me if I got something from A that she requested yesterday. Nope. So B emails A (copying me) and says - sup? A answers B (copying me for once) with the "I sent it last night" option. B answers A (copying me) and says, okay from now on can you copy traffic cop chick (that's me) when you do that so that maybe one of us will get it when the emails get lost? B said this very nicely and left off the LIKE YOU'VE BEEN REPEATEDLY TOLD TO DO part.

And the punchline... A answers with "oh, okay, I usually copy traffic cop chick on the final version but I'll start doing it on the drafts too if you like."

Chorus:
It's the self delusion part that gets me. Everyone knows who's not telling the truth here. How can she not know that? Does she really think we're all THAT terminally moronic? And if you know that - how can you stand to tell those hideously transparent lies, pretending people don't know how loser-y that is?

Second verse:

It's a well established fact by now that I'm paranoid and touchy. I'm hyper sensitive about my privacy (which explains the ONLINE DIARY doesn't it? Speaking of lacking self awareness) and once someone has betrayed a trust, even a slight one, that's probably it for them hearing anything close to another private thought of mine, ever. Forgive and be friends? Quite possible. Truly trust? Mmm... probably not.

Anyway. This one isn't about anyone telling any of my secrets, this time.

Let's see, we already did letters so let's do... um... fruits. Oh why not. So I have these two acquaintances, Ms. Strawberry and Ms. Grape, who think they're my friends, and Ms. Grape thinks she's my super great friend (to continue in the lack of self awareness theme). I'm not saying I'm not THEIR friend. Just that I think their requirements of someone before they say "you're my friend!" are much lower than mine.

So. The three of us are on a little four-person Yahoo list with oh, let's say Ms. Apple. (Rachelle, do not ask me how I got myself onto one of those again. I have no idea. Don't laugh too loudly at me.) (Actually, go ahead.) Lately the list has been really quiet. I don't think there's anything wrong. I just actually have no idea why it's quiet, and I'd never ask, because it doesn't bother me and I don't wonder. Personally I don't have a whole heck of a lot to say to the fruit basket if they don't start a topic.

So out of the blue this past weekend I get an email from Grape, asking me if I think everything's ok with Strawberry. Far as I know, I say. I know she's been quiet but there's nothing wrong that I know of. Grape writes back, okay, just checking because she got all upset at me over that last email about her job. Well I remember the email from Strawberry but can't even remember Grape answering it so I write back and say - what about it? Grape refreshes my memory that Strawberry wrote it to a bcc list of her own - so even though Grape and I both got it, we really didn't know the other one did. When Grape replied, she added the Fruit Basket list to the cc field, thinking that was the easiest way to just include everyone. I noticed none of this at the time. When I replied to Strawberry's email I just clicked "reply." Grape told me Strawberry got all mad at her for sharing the email (apparently with Apple, since the other two of us got it in the first place). She hadn't heard from Strawberry since then and just wanted to see if I thought anything was wrong.

You know...

If I do know from Strawberry that she's mad at Grape, fucking think about the circumstances here. What am I going to do? Say, "yeah, she's mad at you for telling things she didn't want anyone else to know, by the way don't tell her I told you this"? Actually, that's exactly what Grape would think I would do. Because that's what she would do. Because after I said, no I haven't heard anything from her about this - Grape DID say - okay, just checking, BY THE WAY DON'T TELL HER I MENTIONED THIS.

Chorus:
Think about that. Someone you consider a dear friend (so you say) is angry with you for not keeping your mouth shut about something private. So what do you do? Ask someone else about it and even SAY don't tell her I told you this because she'll be really angry at me. We clearly have a comprehension and learning problem here.

And what started this? Grape gets an email from Strawberry. Grape wants to reply and share it with all her fruity friends. So Grape clicks reply - QUOTES the original email from Strawberry - and ADDS people to the recipient field. Because Grape thinks she can decide FOR Strawberry who will see Strawberry's email. Herein lies the problem. The "oh, I didn't think you'd mind if (blablabla) knew."

I will tell blablabla myself if I want him to know - thank you.

Bridge:
Here's the other part that gets me (no really, there's more). Grape says to me that she just naturally figured it was okay to send it to the list because [...whatever...] and that she didn't notice it was originally sent to a blind list.

This is where I have a problem with believing her innocence. If you are really going along thinking, "oh this was sent to a bunch of friends, no secrets here" and you want to answer so everyone can read it - that's why God made the REPLY ALL button (and aren't a lot of us sorry about that creation). If you hit reply all or reply and then MANUALLY ADD AN ADDRESS... how do you NOT realize that there's a decent chance you are now sending this person's email to NOT THE SAME BUNCH OF PEOPLE they originally sent it to?

So I said something vague about yeah I guess you have to be careful about deciding who to forward other people's emails to, but no, Strawberry hasn't said anything to me, and no I won't tell her you did.

Verse:
What I did NOT say - but that I really WANTED to say - was:
Yeah, I guess this is like the time a few months ago where you wrote her privately and happened to mention as part of your email some guy on a TV show that you thought was hot, and she copied part of THAT email and pasted it into an email of her own to our list. Not even to tell us you thought he was hot, but really just to tell us about the show because she liked it too, and she happened to leave in the part where you thought he was hot. And you had a little hissy fit about her sharing a private email.

So you thought THAT was wrong. And you obviously understand on some level that what you did was not quite okay, since you bothered to slightly alter your perception of your own reality a bit and claim that you didn't realize something that you obviously did realize, since you did something to work around it.

And then you do something else you don't think your dear friend will like, to... what? To try and convince yourself that the first thing you did was okay after all?

Final Chorus:
Don't come lying to me, telling me you didn't do the wrong thing that you and I both know you did. I don't think you're even convincing yourself, and you are certainly not convincing me.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -