2004-06-11 - 10:10 p.m.

who are the people in my neighborhood?

Time for me to bitch - with apologies to REO Speedwagon. Actually it won't all be bitchy. Just feel like venting about some of the people I have to work with.

This week I've been doing some help-desky things to follow up on the project that happened over the weekend. Some people are just so clueless. And I'm not saying that just because they need help - that's fine. But most of them are just so CLUELESS.

Because it means more in all caps.

Everyone got an upgraded version of this one particular piece of software. The actual help desk sent out an email saying that the first time you open the new version, you'll need to do this: simple five-step procedure, spelled out in painfully specific detail.

Easily 75% of my calls are - my program isn't working. Did you get the email from IS? Yes. Did you do what it said? Yes. And what's happening? It isn't working. Okay, I'll come check.

If I thought more of these calls meant, "I'm too important to pay attention to instructions and do this myself, just come fix it," I'd be more annoyed. Most of them just mean "I have no idea what you're talking about and never will and I just want to do the one thing I need to do to get my job done." I honestly don't mind those. I'll be right there. I fix it and if they ask what was wrong - few do - I nicely tell them that it just needed to be set up, and that's what that email from IS was telling them. To which they answer "OOOHHHHHHHHH. Thanks." The ones who would be too jerky to appreciate my help and thank me don't bother asking what was wrong. They either know that it's because they ignored that email and just lied to me about it, or just assume it's one more thing that wasn't done right in the first place around here.

Then you have the people who really are just way too important. Not only to tell me what exactly is going on, but also to tell me where their cube is - never mind that I can't really find them without knowing. Am I supposed to run around the office yelling "hoo" and see who yells back "moos"?

I do sympathize with the people who are having trouble describing to me where they sit. It doesn't help to tell me who else sits near them, because approximately 600 people work here, and I've been introduced to around eleven of them. Also, believe it or not, most of the rows of cubes here have names too. Seriously. And I've been introduced to none of the rows whatsoever. So people try to tell me the name of their row and that helps me even less. So I understand it's frustrating. But to just say, I'm by the big window - gee thanks. I ask which one and get - there are only four. You'll find me.

I guess I probably will. Eventually. You didn't want that error message fixed any time soon, did you?

Then there are the ones who are sure that they really know better than I do what the problem is, and yet somehow still need me to fix it. Again, varying levels of sympathy. There's one guy who is just so deluded about his proficiency with this program and has such a need to impress everyone else with how much he knows. Thing is, he does know more about it than most people, and the volume of babble he produces does impress them. But most of the babble shows me how shallow his knowledge is, and the rest of it is actually wrong. If he were the type who wants to fight to the death to defend his wrongness because it's HIS, I'd just let him drift. But this guy seems to know that his smokescreen is just that - and when he realized I know what I�m doing, as long as I let him save face and impress me with other stuff, he lets me step in and fix his issues with this program. That's not a dance I really mind doing. That's just life - or business, anyway.

Then you have the ones who - in classic form - are SO much more interested in finding out who screwed up than actually finding out what is wrong or heaven forbid, how to fix it. And the converse - those who will mislead, omit, or flat out lie to avoid the horror of admitting they were the ones at fault. And with the consequences doled out around here, I almost can't blame them. Almost. When they blame their own screw-ups on someone else, that's where I lose all willingness to try and understand. There's an often-used phrase around here that is not at all unique to this office, but which is used and certainly practiced all too regularly here: throwing someone under the bus. The time and energy that is wasted in assigning or deflecting blame just boggles my mind. You can't even say that the purpose is to stop the error from happening again - it's solely so that someone can get chewed out. Because someone being punished is job one and mission critical.

Whatever.

I don't knowingly allow the mud to be slung onto me when I am not at fault, but at the same time, if something goes wrong and it was the result of my oversight or a typo, or some other sort of - gasp - MISTAKE - I'll say so. And then fix it. If that makes me an easy target for later, or if it makes them think less of me for not being able to sidestep the blame, so be it. Actually I know for a fact that the latter is true - some people here do think less of me for admitting an error. My thought on that are this: Oh Well. I'm very flexible and adaptable, but I refuse to change into a weaseloid to fit in with the weasels.

Now, I'm saying I'm perfectly willing to acknowledge an error of mine when someone else finds it. I'm not saying I�m so righteous and pure that I'll put a spotlight on an error that I find myself and can fix without anyone else noticing. I'm not a martyr.

Then you have the people who ask me a question that is completely out of the range of anything I'm supposed to know. I tell them I don't know and they then try and restate it fourteen different ways. Yo. I understand your question. No matter how many times you ask me how to rewire a toaster, or how you rephrase it, I DON'T KNOW. Eesh.

Then there are the ones I bitch about more than anything else - the ones who want me to "just do this" and can't tell me what it actually is that they want done. "I need to produce this report and I need to get the data out of the database for it." Okay. What are your criteria? "What are what?" Okay, vocabulary gap, I can handle that. What information do you want to see on the report? "I run it and it shows me 50 things and there should be only 7. I want those 7." Okay. What is it about those 7 that makes them what you're looking for? "I'm putting in a date range of May and April." Yes you are, and that's what you're getting on your report. Are you looking for anything else specifically? "But there should only be 7." So I understand. What is it that makes those 7 records the ones you want, so we can tell the program how to find them? "Well I tell it May and April and it still gives me 50." You know what, you're too stupid to deserve your report. Get back to me when you evolve.

The person who keeps telling me every five minutes what the temperature is outside because she keeps pulling it up on www.weather.com and is amazed - EVERY SINGLE TIME - really needs to stop. So what if it's too hot outside? You're freakin INSIDE. And besides that - you don't know what hot is. Sit for hours with no shade and no breeze in a stadium that's reflecting so much heat you feel like a piece of chicken in a wok, and we'll talk about hot.

I was also going to bitch about one person who means well but really needs to adjust her management style so that she doesn't insult people so often - but my boss was out today and this person told me to just go home early. So I can't do it. Thanks, mom.

And just to be different and end on a non-work related note... I mowed my lawn when I got home. Woo! Only two weeks since the last mowing and the grass wasn't even eight inches tall yet - the neighbors must be all a-chatter wondering what's up! I ran out of gas halfway through (no big deal, I had more) which means one tank cuts my yard about one and a half times... either this mower uses a lot more gas than the old one or it has a much smaller tank. I like it though - nice to have a mower I can actually start again if I have to stop halfway through mowing.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -