2004-12-14 - 11:25 p.m.

oh well

Okay so.

Person in question - let's call her Gretchen - is kind of a friend. That's about as close as I get - "qualified" friends. Several months ago she was planning a trip and at the last minute, her traveling companion had to back out. Sudden lack of funds because of unforeseen expenses. She understood but was upset because it seemed that the other person had some indication this might happen, but kept Gretchen in the dark. Okay, I can see that, and I commiserated, bla bla bla.

Next episode. Gretchen is planning on going to a show and sharing a room with a couple of friends. Suddenly the two friends announce to Gretchen that they have changed their minds and are going to share their room with two other people instead. So Gretchen has to scramble for another room for herself at the last minute. Happens to find another roommate but still has to pay more - split 2 ways instead of 3. So she's upset at those people. Understandable. Obivously I'm told the whole story and I agree with her that they were thoughtless and rude and she has a right to be upset.

Next. A concert is coming up early next year, and tickets went on sale a couple months ago. When the show was announced, Gretchen asked me if I'd like to share a room. I have to fly there, she's going to drive. I rarely if ever ask people if they'd like to share a room, but sometimes if people ask me, I'll say okay. It's nice to split expenses, but there are only a few people whose presence is worth the savings. I've roomed with Gretchen before and she's okay, and we had fun. Another nice thing in this particular instance is that it's a general admission show, and the two of us planned to spell each other in line, so one could wait and the other could go back to the room and rest. We're not talking a short wait here.

Oh yes and by the way. In addition to asking if I'd like to share a room, Gretchen asked if I could possibly buy her ticket and let her pay me back later, since she was currently broke. Yes, yes, I know. But she is someone I've done that for before, and she always pays me back when she said she would. So I said okay.

So meanwhile some other shows come up, later in the summer. Insanely enough, the shows are in June, and went on sale this month. Gretchen asks if I want to go with her and share a room. I tell her that at the moment I can't plan on being able to afford the travel. So I told her to make her plans for herself, and if later when I knew more, she could include me, then great, and if not I'd understand.

Next thing I know I hear from her and she says this. There are two other shows, which she had already asked me if I was considering and I said positively no way (and this time I mean it, for sure). Well, they're on sale too. But she currently is broke. So she asks me if I can buy her tickets for those, as well.

WTF? This to me is different than "Can you buy me a ticket when you buy yours, and I'll pay you back." This is not "Can you buy me a ticket when they go on sale because I'll be out of town/working and I'll pay you back immediately." I do that for several people often, and others have done it for me. But "can you buy me something because I have no money but I want it now" is just "can you lend me money on top of what I already owe you." That struck me as a bit much. Luckily she was writing me Sunday night while I was busy watching Survivor, and by the time I checked email, she had discovered she did have some available credit on one of her cards, and she bought the tickets herself.

So I thought the asking to borrow even more money was a bit much to ask, but here's the thing that got me.

In one of those emails, I don't remember if it was the one where she asked to borrow the money or the one where she told me never mind, she said to me - very matter of factly - that because she's going to the shows in June, she won't be going to the other one early next year. That's just one show, she says, and it's close to home (for her) so she could go there any time, so the shows in June are her priority. Just tells me this. No mention of, oh I'm sorry I'm backing out of the plans we made to share queuing-up duties, not to mention hotel expenses. She'll still pay me for the ticket I bought for her, but come on. She takes it hard when other people back out on her, and rants about how the point is that they totally didn't take her feelings into account.

The irony boggles.

I answered a few points in her emails and ignored the part about her not coming to the show. I also ignored a couple of questions she asked.

I'm very passive-aggressive.

The next day she included a line in an email that said, don't count me out of that other show yet, I'm still trying to make it work. Lovely, since the last one flat out said you weren't coming. Wonder what she'd say if I said, oh, since you were so definite, I already made other plans?

Maybe I'm taking this too hard, but when someone complains to me about what someone did to them, and tells how bad it made them feel, and then they do the exact same thing to me... it's just another reminder to not trust anyone. Or at least, not to count on anyone - if there's a difference. I guess there's a subtle one.

my mood -

the mood of the whole world wide bleepin' web -