2005-01-31 - 7:08 p.m.

there's quitting, and there's quitting

Last Friday evening, I read this great entry about quitting. Made me think - which, isn't that the good thing about diaryland?

I agree with everything he said, even though I kinda argued an opposite point in the note I left. As he defined "quitting," I agree that there is no reason for quitting. However, having just given notice that I was leaving a job (and giving notice three times in the course of 20 minutes, no less) I felt a bit personally compelled to provide another definition in my own defense. More about that later.

But about quitting. I had a job once where they told me they'd had two girls before me just up and quit. One of them apparently realized about two days into the job that the company had something to do with processing cow hides, declared, "I can't work here, I'm a vegetarian," and departed immediately. That one I find kind of funny, because, hello, did you not pay attention in the interview when they told you what the company did? Did you not see the big silver bull sculpture in the middle of the conference table, and did you not see all the framed pictures of cows all over the walls (and on one wall, a series of pictures depicting tannery activities)? I'm so not kidding. The decor, while possibly not the classiest, certainly couldn't be called deceptive. No pun intended, I call bullshit on that reason. She just wanted out. One point for giving some sort of reason on the way out the door, and declaring that she wasn't coming back.

The other girl, same place, got the job through an agency. Worked one day. It rained that day, and they let her borrow the spare umbrella in the office when she left for the day. When she didn't come back the second day, the company called the agency and they had heard nothing from her either. Someone finally got in contact with her and confirmed that she was alive and just didn't want the job. The company made the agency buy them a new umbrella.

While I was at that same company, a girl who had worked there for several months left one afternoon as usual, and on her way out the door, said with an odd smile, "Have a nice life." The only ones left in the office were the receptionist and myself, who, to coin a phrase, were like, "huh?" We went into her office and saw that everything personal was gone from her desktop and around the desk, and sure enough she didn't come back the next day. I think she did leave a note.

I've seen at many companies cases where someone was scheduled to come in for an interview and just didn't show up. I guess once you decide you don't want the job after all, you really don't care what they think of you, but really, how rude and how inconsiderate of other people's time. I've scheduled interviews before that I ended up not going on for one reason or another, but I always called and cancelled.

At one job where I managed staff, I hired someone once who showed up for the first day of training, then just kind of didn't show back up again the second day. I called him and he claimed some lame excuse for leaving, which I let him get away with. But I didn't let him get away without asking why he hadn't at least called, and he said he couldn't remember my direct number to leave me voicemail. Hm. Interesting considering the fact that we had a company directory accessible by name (forget my name too?), but especially considering that in the week before he started, he was able to remember my name and number enough to call me three or four times with questions about insurance, parking, etc. Decided I don't want this job after all? Memory loss!

Slightly different story. Different job, I hired someone as a temp to answer phones. She worked there two days, and on the third morning I got a call from the agency telling me she wasn't coming back because the job wasn't a good fit or some such. Perfectly, 100% acceptable. She worked for the agency, she responsibly notified them, they notified me. The reason was a little questionable, but that was just tact, either on her part or on the part of the agency. I never got confirmation of this of course, but I'd bet money that the real reason she left was that on the morning of the second day, the president of the company threw up into a shrub outside the front door, about ten feet away from this poor woman, while I stood there horrified. I give her huge points for even staying the rest of that day.

True confessions though... some may say this falls under the category of quitting, but I see it as more of a case of being immature and throwing a tantrum. Which I'm certainly not saying is better. At that same job with the puking president, one day I had reached the end of my rope. I was having a normal, terrible, super-stressful day at work. The phone rang, in the midst of my doing seven other things, and when I reached out to answer it, I could see my hand shaking. I took one look at that and said, screw this. I grabbed my bag and headed for the door. The girl who shared the office with me said, "Where are you going?" and I said, "Somewhere else," and I was gone. I'm told that one of the managers stuck her head out after I ran by, and asked, "Where's she going?" "I don't know." "Is she coming back?" "I don't know." It's all kind of funny in retrospect, especially if you know what a total goody-goody, responsible, straight arrow I am in my professional life. What? Shut up. I am too.

Anyway, I took myself down the street, bought myself a serious drink (iced mocha coffee with whipped cream AND chocolate syrup, baby), sat and drank it, and was back in about 15 minutes. They were so happy I came back at all that they all apologized to me. The general consensus was that wow, if the stress was so bad that YOU cracked, then it was BAD, and you did the right thing by taking a break. Well, yeah it was that bad. But would it have killed me to pop my head in someone's office and say, "I have to get out of here for a few minutes, be right back"? Actually, possibly yeah. Those few extra seconds might have made my head explode. What I really should have done was do something about the stress (even if it was the same 15 minute break with caffeine and sugar ingestion, because oh yeah, that calms ya down) before it got to that point. At the least, someone should have pointed that out to me upon my return. I think they would have been justified in firing me. However, had they said, "You left without a word, don't think you're coming back, we'll send you your stuff," my answer would have been, "Yay!!!!!!!!!!" And they knew that. But that incident, as much as it was caused by the stress, was to an equal extent caused by my immaturity and lack of ability to handle the stress in a responsible way. Doesn't excuse me, but that place was dysfunctional without any of the fun.

This is where I say, "But I'm better now, really I am."

Well, then there was the time in 2003 where I quit a job giving only one day's notice. But that was because I hated those people and they treated me like shit and it was so much fun to see their faces. Sorry. Said I was a bitch, didn't I?

People quit other things too of course. Relationships; tasks that are challenging. So much of it seems to be fear. Running out on a job also seems to me to be a function of fear. Fear of failure, or sometimes just fear of imperfection. Fear of breaking new ground. Fear of embarrassment. It makes me think of the movie "Defending Your Life." That's an awesome movie by Albert Brooks, with his quirky sense of humor. The premise is that when you die, you are judged on how well you did in facing your fears during your life. If you did well, you move on, and if you still have too much fear, you go back to try again and learn a bit more. There's a trial and they show scenes from your life where you gave in to fear or conquered it. I was in a job interview once and I told the guy I wanted the job because I'd never done it before, and it was scary. If the "Defending Your Life" thing turns out to be true, I want them to show that scene. I even got the job.

There's a song called "Girl On Top (of the piano)" by a band called Spiraling (because if I'm going to ramble this long, there might as well be lyrics quoted), and the first line goes, "Walking up to you is just another dumb thing that I did just to prove it don't matter if I fail." I use that line as courage while I'm preparing to do a lot of "dumb" and scary things that I do.

So to wrap up... if I'm going to differentiate between "bad" quitting and "good" quitting... I'd say the "good" quitting is done because you've actively decided that something else is better, and you have to leave one path to take the other. "Bad" quitting is done because you're afraid to continue, and quitting feels easier or safer.

Guess I could have just said that, huh?

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